Painful Memories
Sometimes, I really really hate being grown up...
I hate having responsiblities.
I hate having to go to a stupid job
that I don't like, day in and day out...
I hate having to come home
with the same worries that I left with,
no real solution in sight.
I hate not having anyone to talk to,
nobody's shoulder to cry on,
nobody to say goodnight to when I get home
cause I know when I get home, it's just me.
I hate waking up with the same headache
I went to sleep with
I hate crying when I get frustrated.
I hate doing this alone,
I hate worrying about money all the time...
I hate feeling like my world
is full of dispair and disappointment.
I hate that I'm angry all the time at everyone,
I hate that my future just looks bleak and meaningless.
I hate getting knocked down and convincing myself
to get back up and try again....
I hate that my dad can't understand me and accept me...
I hate that I cry alone at night.
I hate that I don't have any
confindence in myself right now....
I hate that I'm failing.
------------------------------
To say that life isn't fair would be a serious understatement. I think for everything that I've been through in my short 22 years, I deserve a break of some sort. Even a short one would be nice...just to give myself a chance to get my head together. I'm tired of being disappointed in myself and others all the time...I mean, it would be different if I were sitting around whining and complaining all the time about this stuff, and not doing anything to better my situation. But I am trying....I'm trying so unbelievably hard. I feel like if I weren't going at this totally alone, it wouldn't be so hard...but since it's just me, I don't have anyone else to look to for help. Well, maybe not totally alone, but I'm not sharing the load with anyone else, either. I'm getting discouraged, something I promised myself I wouldn't do. I can't encourage people I know and cheer them up if I'm not going to encourage myself. I hate to sound like a broken record, saying that same things over and over again. There's so much more I want to write about, but this is really at the forefront of my mind. And it's not like I want much... all I want is someone to ask my how my day was, and actually stick around to hear the answer, good or bad, long or short. I want someone to cook dinner for or with, and sit around and talk about normal, everyday stuff at the table. I want someone to talk to while we prepare for our days at work. I want someone to encourage me when I think I can't do it anymore, someone to console me when the tears fall, someone beside me when I'm lonely. I just want someone around.... cause I am sick of being alone. I miss being the other half of a couple. It's not that I'm desperate because I'm not....it's just lonely being alone.
Chris's Memories Cause Him Pain At 3:28 AM
I hate having responsiblities.
I hate having to go to a stupid job
that I don't like, day in and day out...
I hate having to come home
with the same worries that I left with,
no real solution in sight.
I hate not having anyone to talk to,
nobody's shoulder to cry on,
nobody to say goodnight to when I get home
cause I know when I get home, it's just me.
I hate waking up with the same headache
I went to sleep with
I hate crying when I get frustrated.
I hate doing this alone,
I hate worrying about money all the time...
I hate feeling like my world
is full of dispair and disappointment.
I hate that I'm angry all the time at everyone,
I hate that my future just looks bleak and meaningless.
I hate getting knocked down and convincing myself
to get back up and try again....
I hate that my dad can't understand me and accept me...
I hate that I cry alone at night.
I hate that I don't have any
confindence in myself right now....
I hate that I'm failing.
------------------------------
To say that life isn't fair would be a serious understatement. I think for everything that I've been through in my short 22 years, I deserve a break of some sort. Even a short one would be nice...just to give myself a chance to get my head together. I'm tired of being disappointed in myself and others all the time...I mean, it would be different if I were sitting around whining and complaining all the time about this stuff, and not doing anything to better my situation. But I am trying....I'm trying so unbelievably hard. I feel like if I weren't going at this totally alone, it wouldn't be so hard...but since it's just me, I don't have anyone else to look to for help. Well, maybe not totally alone, but I'm not sharing the load with anyone else, either. I'm getting discouraged, something I promised myself I wouldn't do. I can't encourage people I know and cheer them up if I'm not going to encourage myself. I hate to sound like a broken record, saying that same things over and over again. There's so much more I want to write about, but this is really at the forefront of my mind. And it's not like I want much... all I want is someone to ask my how my day was, and actually stick around to hear the answer, good or bad, long or short. I want someone to cook dinner for or with, and sit around and talk about normal, everyday stuff at the table. I want someone to talk to while we prepare for our days at work. I want someone to encourage me when I think I can't do it anymore, someone to console me when the tears fall, someone beside me when I'm lonely. I just want someone around.... cause I am sick of being alone. I miss being the other half of a couple. It's not that I'm desperate because I'm not....it's just lonely being alone.
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