_Pain_

Painful Memories

October 10, 2006:
I feel a change in the air

So, as many of you who know me very well, know about what happened fri night. As a result of that, I felt the need to change my SN on yahoo, which again you all have by now. If not you can email me, and I'll give it to you. Also I decided to put a password on my blog, which if you are reading this you have that password. Anyways I soon plan to put the events of fri on here. But for now, this is all I got :) take it easy

Chris

Chris's Memories Cause Him Pain At 6:35 PM

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YOU ROCK TY :-D I GOT IT just gotta get it working like i want it to

By Army Lette, at 5:06 AM

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October 06, 2006:
Who Can Say I've Been Slacking A Little

So I haven't wrote anything for a long time. I've been a bit pre-occupied with other things and to say the least I have a million things on my mind right now and I'm just bummed and don't know what to do. But heres what has happened this week...

Sat I went to the pagan pride day in louisville with Tina. It wasn't what I thought it would be but I had a good time, after that we went and got something to eat, and then we went for a Hike. Afterwards we went to walmart, and then to my house, where we wasted time, and then we went to Josh's to pick him up, but had to wait for him, cause he was getting a tattoo, then we went and got Whitney, and some alcohol, and then we went to Tina's house. On the way to Tina's house, Josh was being retarded, and he ended up burning my face with a cigarette. Then we came back to my house, and hung out, and that was more or less what happened, I just left out the drama that occured near the end of the day, but all and all it was a great day.
Sunday was an ok day as of what I could remember. I got up and got ready for work was good. Not much to report from there. After work Tina, Josh, and Whit came over again, and we hung out for a little while. And then I went to bed

Monday, again I got up, and got ready for work, nothing out of the ordinary for a mon. However this mon was differant, this was the last day before my vacation started, so I was excited. Work was more or less good till the end, when I felt something bad was going to happen, and I was right. Tina and I "broke up", because of things that were being said around work. I wasn't really upset that we broke up, I was just upset that it happened the way it did. The reason I was not upset, is cause I wasn't really ready to be in a relationship, and so this was a way I could have time outside of it, to do some work on myself. I have alot of issues right now in my life, that I need to work out, before I can be heart and soul in a relationship. I'm kinda glad that it happened, cause it wouldn't have been fair to her, with me not feeling the way she does. It's not that I don't feel the same, cause I do, its just that right now I'm not allowing myself to feel that way. I'm not sure how much since this makes, but anyways....

Tuesday I was not having the best of day from the time I woke up til I went to sleep at night. I think, well I know I was depressed over the thing that happened Mon night after work. I didn't do much at all, except stay at home. I wasn't in the mood to do much.

Wends..... Oh wends. Josh had decided it would be good for Tina, and me to talk, so he planned on us getting together at my house to play cards. So I agreed to that, so I asked Tina if he could use his car to come get me, cause I had some things I needed to do, and since my car is broke down, I was unable to do the things I needed. So she agreed, and he came over after work, and we did what I had to do, then Josh and I hung out till Tina got off work, and thats when all the trouble started. I decided to invite some other people to come over, and I found out that Tina also invited other people to come over, so it ended up being a party night. Well it started off akward, cause I thought Tina was mad at me cause she was acting like she was, I don't know if I ever really figured out why she was in the mood she was in at the start of the party, but after awhile, we talked, and worked things out. We have decided that no matter what we need each other in our lives, so for now, we are going to be friends, and see where things go. However the feelings are still there, and so its kind of an akward friendship... but anyways enough about that. I had alot to drink, as well as everyone else, however no one had as much as Josh did. He was falling all over the place, and I was getting drunk enough to where I was also, so at one point and time, when I had fallen, Josh came over to help me up, and instead he fell on me, and ended up grabbing me somewhere (which I am not going to talk about any further than that), and then he kept falling and falling, so I decided he should go in and go to bed, but he wouldn't listen to me, so I went and sat on the porch, and talked to everyone else, and somehow I ended up throwing Smirnoff on Travis, who then threw what ever he was drinking on Tina, who threw her drink on Josh, who threw his drink on Alex, who got the water hose, and tried to spray everyone, and sometime after that, I finally convinced Josh to go inside, cause he was still drinking, and I didn't want him to get sick, or to fall and hurt himself, so we got him inside, and he got sick, and someone went to use the bathroom, and the toilet over flowed, and everything was happening all at once, and then mom woke up and started yelling about all the noice, and she said everyone had to leave, and then me and her got into it, cause she is living with me, at my house, and I told her if she didnt like it she could leave, but no one was in any shape to go anywhere. Well for some reason, we decided it would be good to go to white castle :-D, and I drove, and we made it, and we ate, and by then I was sober, so we came home, and travis and Alex left, and tina and I went to bed. (that is not even close to everything that happend, but I am getting sick of typing about this day cause I still have 2 more days to go, so I am leaving alot out)
Thursday morning, we woke up, to take Josh to work, who decided he wasn't going to go to work, cause he was still sick, so we went to get some breakfast, and he attempted to call in, but didn't talk to managment, cause before they answered he got sick again. Tina needed to go get clothes to wear to work, so we took Josh back home, so he could go back to sleep, and then we went shopping, and then we came back to my house so she could take a nap before she went to work. I tried to sleep but kept getting woke up, so I didn't get much sleep at all. Josh didn't get up till like 6 that night. I took him home, then came back home. Then later on Tina, me, whit, dani, and jenn, went to Dennys to eat. We were supposed to have a party that night, but after wends night, i was partied out, and after dennys I came in and went to bed. Which brings me to today

Today I got up, and hung out with Tina and Whit, cause I am borrowing Tina's car. Later on I have to go get Josh, cause me and him are going to hang out, and then when Tina gets off, her, whit, and I are going out. So that is how this week has been. I'm thinking of having a party Sun or Thurs night next week, I guess we'll see. I hope this next week goes by slow cause sat I'll be back to work, and I'm dreading that, cause some new changes happened the first day of my vacation. And I am going to feel out of the loop when I get back. I guess I am going to end this now, and find something to do, I need to get ready for tonight before long, but I have a feelng I am going to play on POGO first.

P.S.
This is a long entry, at least for me. And it is also the first time I have ever sit and wrote down what happened during the day or week. And I'm not sure I'll ever do so again, cause I don't like to type that much :).

Chris's Memories Cause Him Pain At 3:47 PM

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September 27, 2006:
Twas A Stormy Night

Check out my latest picture on deviant art

So while it was storming and stuff I decided to sit out, and try to capture a pic of lightning, and I just so managed to do so, and put it on my deviant art site, so you should check it out. ;)

Chris's Memories Cause Him Pain At 10:22 PM

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In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day one fellow met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about your friend?". "Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test.".

"Triple filter?". "Thats right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test."

"The first filter is truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it and...". "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't know if it's true or not."

"Now lets try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?". "No, on the contrary...". "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about my friend, but you are not certain if it is true."

"You may still pass the test thouh, because there's one filter left: The filter of usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be usefull to me?" "No not really." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"

This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
Use this filter each time you hear loose talk about any of your near and dear friends

Chris's Memories Cause Him Pain At 11:22 AM

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Hiding in the shadows
Of who I'm supposed to be.
Why can't anyone accept
That this is the real me?

The person that lives for the moment.
The person that cries at night.
That outgoing, but shy person
The person who tries to please everyone
And gets nothing in return.
That person that takes the easy way
Because they are too afraid to learn.

I'm trying to find what seems
to be missing from my life.
I can't find that piece that
will once more hold me together.
I'm holding on to my dreams
Of being happy once again.
I just keep wishing that my life
Will be simple like it was back then.

Pain is reflected in my eyes.
Fear is hidden in my heart.
I decided to hide who I am right from the start.
Emotions has overtaken my life,
Controlling every move I make.
Now I only wonder
How much more of this I can take.

I keep getting lost.
Never knowing where I belongs.
Fighting to escape the past
that's filled with so many wrongs.
But first, I have to let it go
To be able to move ahead.
I have to forget everytime
That I was ever mislead.
I need to pick myself up
off the cold, wet ground.
I need to find a way
to make myself unbound.

Unbound of the lies.
Unbound of the fears.
Unbound of the pain.
Unbound of the tears.
Unbound of all the emotions

I need to learn how
To stand up tall
And not let anyone
Make me fall.
I need to be myself
And live my life my way.
I need to stand my ground
And start my new life today.

Fight my way to happiness.
Remove the tears from my eyes.
Give up the pain and torment
to all those stars in the skies.
Finally believing in the person I am
And who I was meant to be.
Because finally I'm accepting
That this is the true me.

Chris's Memories Cause Him Pain At 11:09 AM

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September 26, 2006:
A Politcal Rant Of Sorts

So me and some friends watch "Whoppie on Broadway" last night, and she talks alot about Bush, and the things he has done since becoming president. She says that she thinks we sent the soliders on a bull shit mission in Iraq, and she asks questions like, "Why havn't we found Osama?", and how Bush answered that question when asked by a reporter, "cause he's hiding", well call me crazy but wasn't Sadam hiding when we found him? And after they said that there were no weopons of mass destrution, it was just bad intelligence... if they wanted to see bad intelligence, all they had to do was look at our president. If we would have spent all the time, money, and resources in Afganastan that we have in Iraq, I bet that we could have found Osama by now, but its almost like Bush dons't seem to care if we find him, he is more worried about Oil, so he can make his self rich, since his family owns a Gas company or an oil company or something like that. I wish he would get something something, so we could impeach him. Anyways enough complaining about all this, let me get back to why I started to write this to begin with, Whoppie said that everytime we see him on TV, or hear his speachs, we should start to hum this little song "Every move you make Every step you take Every single day Every word you say Every vow you break Every claim you stake I'll be watching you" Granted I edited it, but you get the point. If people start watching, and seeing what is going on, and letting it be known that we are watching, maybe things will change. I for one, am sick of bending over, and taking it up the *ss, all our rights they are taking away, everything they are changing, trying to make the US safer. And other things they are trying to do, like the gay marrige ban... if you don't agree with gay marrige, and it upsets you so much, that you think it should be banned, I have a little advice for you, DON'T MARRY A GAY PERSON, it's as easy as that. let people be, they don't try to push there believes or lifestyles on you. And the whole Bible Scripture that people throw at gay people, has any one ever read the rest of that chapter. It also says that "Any child who curses his/her parents shall be put to death", are we supposed to take that litteral? If so how many people would be alive today? Also, in that chapter it says "A man who sleeps in a bed where a woman has had her period shall be put to death", again, how many of us would be alive today? I don't think that the scripture people throw at gay people, should be taken litteral, and if they want to, then they should take the rest of the things said, in that same paragraph litteral, but we see how stupid that is, so why can't we see that if a man loves a man, or a women loves a women, that is there choice, and we should leave them alone. Like I said, I won't marry a gay person, cause I am not gay, but I have friends that are, and I think they should have the oppertuinity to get married to there partner should they choose to do so, just like I have the oppertunity to marry a women, if I should chose to do so. Just let people be. That is my view on it. I think it should be legal everywhere for gay people to get married, not just certain states. Anyways I am done now :)

"Every move you make Every step you take Every single day Every word you say Every vow you break Every claim you stake I'll be watching you... George"

Chris's Memories Cause Him Pain At 10:38 PM

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I'm really tired.

Life's too busy for me.
It won't stop for me.

Everyone's going around,

revolving with the world,

and I am left to stand

alone and stare.

Every once in a while,

someone would come

to me and smile.

But not because

they notice me.

It is only because

they need something from me.

I'm really tired.

I don't want to think anymore.

And sometimes,

I don't want to feel as well.

I feel so used and abused.

Taken for granted

and taken advantaged of.

Everyone comes to me

because they think

I can help them.

They need me to do

something for them.

It is not because they see me.

I can't remember going out

anymore because they want

to spend time with me.

They want to be with me

because they need someone

to listen to them,

someone to comfort them.

And I wonder, would they ever

look at me if they were

so high up there

and happy with their own life?

Would I be able to see

someone smile at me

because of me...

because I am me?

Or would I only see

that smile when I

help you in your need?

I feel invisible.

A passing wind,

no one sees,

no one notices.

A wind they're too sure

that would always be there

that it don't matter if they

leave me behind

and forget me for a while.

I had always been there

for you guys, right?

Would someone be there

for me too? I ask not

to return the favor,

I did those things

because I care.

But I do ask not

to be forgotten

and taken for granted.

Do not think that

I am always there.

Because sometimes,

I too am in need.

Don't depend on me so much,

because I am like you

and I cannot do everything for you.

I will do what I can,

but don't think of me as your savior.

Don't use me only when you're in need,

like a toy you play with when you're lonely.

I wish someone would

smile at me when they SEE me.

I wish someone would...LOVE me...

Instead of USING me....LOVE me

just because...and not after I have helped them...

Chris's Memories Cause Him Pain At 4:03 PM

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I want to get out of this town.
I feel like this town is sucking the life out of me.
It builds up over time, and some days
it's worse than others - I think it comes after it rains.

I don't see a future for myself in this town.
This town is like a black hole, sucking people in
and never letting them go. Nothing changes.
Nobody changes. The faces may change,

but the underlying person stays the same.

There is no growth of any sort.

I don't see any change, I don't see any growth,

I don't see anything getting better.

I don't want to live out the rest of my life

in some hopeless, dead-end town.

I don't want that kind of life for myself, or my family.

I need to get out, I need a change of pace.

I need to escape, even if it's just for a day.

I need to leave and retreive what it is

this town has taken away from me.

Of course, the hardest part of leaving

a town like this is knowing that eventually

..... you have to come back.

Chris's Memories Cause Him Pain At 3:13 PM

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Sometimes, I really really hate being grown up...
I hate having responsiblities.
I hate having to go to a stupid job
that I don't like, day in and day out...
I hate having to come home
with the same worries that I left with,
no real solution in sight.
I hate not having anyone to talk to,
nobody's shoulder to cry on,
nobody to say goodnight to when I get home
cause I know when I get home, it's just me.
I hate waking up with the same headache
I went to sleep with
I hate crying when I get frustrated.
I hate doing this alone,
I hate worrying about money all the time...
I hate feeling like my world
is full of dispair and disappointment.
I hate that I'm angry all the time at everyone,
I hate that my future just looks bleak and meaningless.
I hate getting knocked down and convincing myself
to get back up and try again....
I hate that my dad can't understand me and accept me...
I hate that I cry alone at night.
I hate that I don't have any
confindence in myself right now....
I hate that I'm failing.

------------------------------

To say that life isn't fair would be a serious understatement. I think for everything that I've been through in my short 22 years, I deserve a break of some sort. Even a short one would be nice...just to give myself a chance to get my head together. I'm tired of being disappointed in myself and others all the time...I mean, it would be different if I were sitting around whining and complaining all the time about this stuff, and not doing anything to better my situation. But I am trying....I'm trying so unbelievably hard. I feel like if I weren't going at this totally alone, it wouldn't be so hard...but since it's just me, I don't have anyone else to look to for help. Well, maybe not totally alone, but I'm not sharing the load with anyone else, either. I'm getting discouraged, something I promised myself I wouldn't do. I can't encourage people I know and cheer them up if I'm not going to encourage myself. I hate to sound like a broken record, saying that same things over and over again. There's so much more I want to write about, but this is really at the forefront of my mind. And it's not like I want much... all I want is someone to ask my how my day was, and actually stick around to hear the answer, good or bad, long or short. I want someone to cook dinner for or with, and sit around and talk about normal, everyday stuff at the table. I want someone to talk to while we prepare for our days at work. I want someone to encourage me when I think I can't do it anymore, someone to console me when the tears fall, someone beside me when I'm lonely. I just want someone around.... cause I am sick of being alone. I miss being the other half of a couple. It's not that I'm desperate because I'm not....it's just lonely being alone.

Chris's Memories Cause Him Pain At 3:28 AM

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September 25, 2006:
When I'm Hurting

It's easier for them to walk away
than it is for them to reach out to me
It's easier for them to look away,
than it is for them to see the depths of my despair
It's easier for them to look through me,
than it is for them to see me
It's easier for them to distance themselfs,
than it is for them to really care
It's easier for them to judge,
than it is for them to understand
It's easier for them to hear,
than it is for them to listen
It's easier for them to label,
than it is to get aquainted
It's easier for them to bask in there joy,
than it is for them to feel my pain
It's wasier for them to bewilder at my mysteries,
than it is for them to probe deeply into the depths of my soul
It's easier for me to look away,
than it is to let them see the feelings betrayed through my eyes
It is easier for me to cry,
than it is for me to talk
It's easier for me to walk alone,
than it is to risk rejection
It's easier for me to push them away,
then it is for me to be held
It's easier for me to distance myself,
than it is to trust that they won't hurt me
It's easier for me to die,
than it is for me to face life's challenges
It's hard for me to smile when I'm hurting
It's hard for me to tell what they won't understand
It's hard for me to reach out when I need help the most
If only you'd really look at me and see who I really am
If only you cared enough to reach out when I push you away
If only you'd hold me, without asking why
If only you'd acknowledge the validity of my feelings
But its the easy roads that are most often taken
And I am left here, alone in that fork in the road of life

Chris's Memories Cause Him Pain At 12:05 AM

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*Just Me Is All I Am *

Name: Chris
Age: 22
Birthday: 4-14-1984
Work Place: Walmart

Other Places
you can find
me on the web

Myspace[x]
Louisville Mojo[x]
Deviant Art[x]
Old Blog[x]

"No matter what,
I believe that
every memory
is precious...
and although
keeping these
memories of you
will only make it harder,
I want to carry
them with me.
Then someday, surely,
I will be able to become
someone who will not be
held back by
these memories of you..."

More About Me
I like going on walks ... I like holding hands. I like looking at the stars and I love hiking. Camping is one of my favorite things to do -- especially in the summer. I love taking pictures; I don't like when people take pictures of me. I love laughing, I love being silly, I love when people aren't afraid to be silly sometimes. I love cartoons. I love blogging -- no matter how geeky it is. I love board games. I love to sing, even though I'm not very good at it. But if you ask me to sing for you, I probably won't. It has to be spontaneous. Music is important to me and I will not tolerate music that is degrading or crude in any way. I love snail mail ... I love cards. I love getting mail, but I like sending it even more. Writing is my passion -- get used to it. Even the simplest language is beautiful if phrased correctly. I don't like when people use "their" instead of "there" or "your" instead of "you're". Once in a while, a mistake is okay ... every time you use it is not. I have strong opinions ... I will share them, but only when I feel so inclined. Generally speaking, I think before I speak -- especially in large groups. But once you get to know me, I am an open book. Don't be put off by my apparent shyness ... because shy is the last thing to describe me accurately. I'm not always as confident as I seem ... there are many nights and many days when all I want is to be held. Sometimes I don't want to talk about what is bothering me ... sometimes I just want a hug ... someone who will let me cry. I like when people cry in front of me -- when people aren't afraid to show what they're really feeling. I don't like when people run from their true feelings because it doesn't do anyone any good. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I am not naive. I know what it feels like to be completely broken and I am all too familiar with what it means to be hurt. "I know what it's like to see something funny and not laugh." I've been taken advantage of, used, and abused. My feelings have been blatantly disregarded. But I still believe that all people are good at heart ... and my trust in people has not diminished. To be completely honest, I hope it never does. Ever. I like playing Nintendo. I like playing with my website. I don't like to run, I'd rather walk. I love long showers and the feeling of my teeth after they have been brushed. I do not like the dentist or the doctor ... I'll probably gripe about going to both of them, no matter how necessary it might be. Needles are a phobia -- Buzzing is my least favorite sound and it can easily drive me insane. If there is a bee in the room, don't expect me to pay attention to anything else. I like food, even if it's not good for me. I like Shakespeare, even though I don't understand him. I love to learn -- I ask a lot of questions. Even if you honestly don't know, I will probably continue to ask until you give me an answer. I'm very gullible -- please don't abuse that fact. I like things that make you think, things that make you reexamine your beliefs. I'm not comfortable talking openly about sex. I do not like being told things just to make me happy. I would rather be told the truth and be hurt than be "protected" and happy. I overreact sometimes. Don't be afraid to tell me I'm wrong or out of line. I like people who are strong enough to face me when I'm raging ... people who will let me be angry for a little while ... people who won't think less of me for my somewhat sporadic mood swings. When I'm hurt, I withdraw. I threaten to run away from the situation that is causing me pain. All I want is to be told honestly that I'm loved ... that I should stay ... sometimes I need to hear it multiple times. But if you'll be a little persistent, I'll give in. If I really love you, I might start picking fights over stupid things ... for no reason. It means I'm bored. That things have gotten monotonous. I love just going with the flow ... I don't always want things planned out. I'm indecisive -- there are too many things I would really like to do ... and I'm afraid you won't like what I choose. I am afraid of being lonely ... of having my heart broken ... of not being appreciated or wanted. Of people not knowing how much they mean to me. I'm afraid of drowning, of choking and of not understanding. I'm not afraid to be myself or of interacting with people who are different than me. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm wrong, but I will rarely admit it publicly. My friends are the most important people in the world to me. My friends are mostly girls. I enjoy hanging out with them much more than I do with most guys. That's just how I am, it's how I've always been ... I will probably always be this way. I will not date one of my female friends if they have previously dated one of my male friends. I respect those boundaries far too much to destroy a friendship for a relationship that might not last. I like hot popcorn and brand new sharpies. I love paper and journals. I'm a huge packrat. Boy Meets World is my favorite show ... Kyle XY is #2. I love the smell of new books and new houses ... I don't like the smell of new cars or air fresheners. I love bread and soft serve ice cream. I love to work, it makes me feel productive and useful. It keeps me from being idle. I hate feeling useless. I love staying up late and I love sleeping till noon though I will never sleep enough. Coloring is fun ... drawing is not. My dog is better than your dog. My two favorite animals are cats and penguins. I don't like math but I understand it ... I don't understand science but I like it. I love reading for hours on end ... especially outside on a sunny day. I love the sun ... but I hate being warm. I love playing in the rain and sitting outside when it's stormy. I like making snowmen and snow angels ... and I like the handprints in the middle when I get up. I support and appreciate people who can argue their point in an educated manner, who have a logical reason for things -- even if I don't agree. I don't like when people can't support themselves ... I don't like laziness. I'm trying to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable and I admire people who know how. I like mismatched decorations and sappy letters. I love to cuddle. I love being close. I love having friends and I love laughing with my friends -- especially at work. I love partying with my friends after work. I'd rather be cold than hot and I would rather eat chicken than beef. I don't like pork chops. I love bacon and eggs. I admire integrity and honesty -- I love when people aren't "too tough" to forgive. I love best friends and old friends ... and I love when new friends become old friends. I like alcohol ... and cigarettes ... but no other drugs. I don't like what drugs do to people. I will not date someone who uses them. Period the end. I believe in love. Real, true, amazing, passionate love. I believe in my self ... I believe in other people. I will never give up on the people I really care about, even if they break my heart a thousand times. I believe in God and I know He will never give up on me ... even if I break His heart a thousand times. I could fill a book with my thoughts ... and someday I will. I want to be published, I want to be known. I love the city ... but I will only live in the country. I want to be a teacher, yes, and I will be. But I want to be a husband, a father, and a friend first. I want to help others ... starting with my friends. I want to love others ... starting with myself. I love blankets -- even in the summer. I love fans ... even in the winter. Fresh air and natural light cure just about anything. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a purpose ... that it is up to us to discover that purpose ... and that more often than not, we won't understand ... even if we find an answer. Regardless, I believe that everything works out for the best. Always. I don't like words I can't understand ... especially when they're used in everyday conversation. I think clichÃ©s are amusing and though I feel weird using them to justify things, I do anyway. But only sometimes. I'm allergic to everything that is outside in the springtime, but I will never refuse an opportunity to go outside. I like people who can make me laugh ... I love making people laugh. I don't blush easily, but if I do, it means something. I like people who make me think about things ... people who willingly put up with my absentmindedness and like it. Common sense has never been one of my strong points. I'm not afraid to laugh at myself ... nor am I afraid to laugh at other people. I have a hard time letting go and when I love, I love deeply. I'm sincere and genuine ... and I like people who are sincere and genuine. People who respect themselves. If someone hurts me, I'm going to talk to my friends about it ... I'm a relational person, that's what I do. If I'm angry, I will always tell you about it. I will try to work things out and if I have my way, we will work things about before going to bed. I believe strongly in the scripture in Ephesians that advises not to let the sun go down on your anger. I like homemade cookies and handcrafted gifts. I'd rather give you something sentimental than something practical ... but I'm not against practicality. If I'm shopping and something silly catches my eye and makes me think of you, chances are ... you'll be receiving it shortly thereafter. Silly gifts make life enjoyable. Inside jokes are amazing ... remember whens are mind blowing. Getting together with three of your best friends from high school and looking at middle school yearbooks -- a four and a half years after graduation -- is one of the most amusing things in the world. I love applesauce and apple juice. I don't like eating apples whole. I don't like paying for parking ... and I would rather park farther away if it's free. If something is broken, I'll probably leave it broken until I need it next. My room is usually messy because I usually don't have time to clean it. But eventually I will clean it ... and the next day, it will probably be messy again. It happens. I would rather carry out the plans than create the plans. I love beginnings, but I know that endings have to come before beginnings can happen. Some of the most beautiful things in my life have ended ... but endings bring about strength and teach lessons that could never have been learned otherwise. And I can definitely appreciate that. In the words of Langston Hughes -- "I like to eat, sleep, drink, and be in love. I like to work, read, learn, and understand life.